THE BIRTH STORY

So it has been a few months since we updated...just a few!

I'll have to have John update and tell about his job and the FSM class he's auditing, since I'm sure folks would like to hear his perspective from time to time!
I started at the Forerunner Music Academy in late August and have been enjoying the two classes I'm taking, (Choir and Freshman Seminar.) We're also in a small group with other married couples in FMA; we're excited about the opportunity to build relationships and really like the leaders. (Unfortunately, we've only been able to go once due to baby!)

Mostly, John thought I should share Bastian's birthstory in this post. Since it was such a major life event for both of us, I know this will be long!

I should prologue first...
The last month of pregnancy was hard for all of us. I developed an incredibly itchy rash that started on my belly and spread all over. Evidently only 1% of pregnant women get it. (My mom had it with my older sister.) Good news is that it usually only happens with first baby's so there's hope for the next pregnancy.
It really was torture. I could only sleep for about 30 minutes at a time and was making myself bleed I was scratching so hard. John had to endure me being hysterical - he did an amazing job and blessed me so much with his patience. Eventually I was able to get a medicated lotion and a drug to help me sleep. I still never slept for more then two hours at a time, though, so I seriously descended into realms of insanity during those last few weeks.
My older sister seriously saved me. She came out a week before my duedate, (September 10th), and cooked and cleaned for us...I was so incredibly swollen it was really hard for me to do anything. She also became my activities director, thinking up loads of ways for me to distract myself from the itching :) Since I itched the worse at night, we developed a crazy backwards routine. We'd play cards until about 2am, watch a movie, then do paint by number or x-box until 5ish. I'd cat nap until John got up, then try and sleep a little in the morning.

We were all pretty desperate to have the baby by the time September 10th rolled around!
A lot of women who have PUPP, (the rash) tend to induce early or schedule a c-section, it's just that bad. But I was able to hang in there, thanks to John and Arielle, Hannah and my amazing doula Melanie. Everyone kept encouraging me and blessing me and cheering me on and it made all the difference in the world.

After the duedate, each day passing was so hard. I started having fairly regular contractions, so we knew it was going to be sometime soon...but WHEN?! Each day with the rash was a little bit harder and I had this urgent, urgent feeling that the baby needed to be born as soon as possible. We tried caulophyllum in a gentle homeopathic form, but it wasn't enough to induce naturally. We considered our natural options and were hoping that the midwives would let us try castor oil.
I had an appointment with them on the 17th and they nixed that idea. I had been almost totally effaced for 2 weeks and we were hoping I had started dilating...but I hadn't and I actually wasn't done effacing! This was so discouraging for all of us.
I felt that NOW in my spirit so we considered our options. My midwife thought cervidel (a cervical softener) would be the best idea to start with, since it was the least interventive and would give us options. (Either I'd spontaneously go into labor - which is rare - and then they could possibly break my water, or I would finish effacing and we could consider pitocin...which i REALLY did not want to do.)
Even deciding to do the cervidel was kind of a big deal - we were so hoping for a non-interventive water birth. I didn't want to compromise our desires, but I had so much peace about every choice we made...the promptings of the Holy Spirit and my body were so clear.

The cervidel actually worked and I went into labor Tuesday morning. There was probably about an hour of nice little contractions and then BOOM...suddenly my body was doing contractions every 1 - 2 minutes and they were SO POWERFUL. Oh my god...it was like my uterus went crazy. I hung in there for a long time; we tried so many positions. I made SO much noise. It was like being in transition from the get-go. I started vomiting from the pain and couldn't seem to stop.
My instincts were telling me I needed to get that baby out soon - didn't know why - but my uterus was working way too hard. Everyone was so positive and encouraging, but I was slowly becoming undone. I was in such incredible pain and my gut was telling me the contractions weren't that productive and were stressing out the baby as much as they were stressing out me. Everyone kept encouraging me and telling me I was doing it, but I just kept saying, "I'm not!" Which they didn't like, of course, but I knew it was true :) The other problem was that my whole body tensed with each contraction - I worked so hard to stay loose, but the pain was incredible.
After hours and hours of this, they checked me and I hadn't dilated a bit...pretty natural with first time moms, but too much for an already sleep deprived person! I tried the shower for a while, but having transition like contractions every minute for HOURS had totally exhausted me. At that point I asked for something to let me sleep...I was so tired and in so much pain. My body was squeezing the heck out of the baby and not giving me any breaks.
Again, like with the cervidel, I didn't even hesitate to ask for a narcotic...and I have been SO committed to a natural birth. I just knew, deep down, that there was something going on and I needed to follow my first instincts and quickly.
At that point I really broke down...just hung onto John and we both wept and wept. The pain was so bad I was screaming at that point. But it was one of my favorite moments of labor - I felt like John and I were being pulled into a Oneness that was beyond any realm we've ever experienced before. It was so precious.

I slept for a good three hours after they gave me the drug...evidently I was hallucinating and saying hilarious things :) My doula tells me that I woke up with every contraction and worked through it, though I have no memory of that! I was so exhausted.

The narcotic helped to slow my contractions down enough to a more regular level, for a little while...but after the drug wore off they they returned to their 1 minute interval with SUCH INTENSITY. I tried to hang in there again...but everything in me was telling me I needed help - serious help.

I felt so bad, because I knew I just must have seemed like a crazy first time mother abandoing her desire for a natural birth because she couldn't handle the pain :) But the force of my clarity was so strong I didn't care.

I asked for an epidural at that point...I was screaming again and shaking...John was just in agony watching...the intensity of the labor was so uncontrollable...it wasn't something I could ride...it was like my body was trying to expel the baby NOW in a way I couldn't handle...
The put me on the monitor and that's when things started getting interesting...my labor was distressing the baby. At 42 weeks he couldn't handle being squeezed constantly. My midwife checked me before the epidural, found out I was 3cm and the baby was absolutely SWIMMING in meconium...I mean, TONS of poop and there was very little amniotic fluid left. His cord was being pinched and evidently he was not in a good position - so his head hitting me at a bad angle had been part of the cause of my pain.
Suddenly, there's people running into the room and the attending doctor is being called and the anesthesioligst is flying in...(after we delivered we also found out the placenta was really tired and had we waited a day longer, I probably would have needed a c-section because the baby couldn't have tolerated the labor...)

They threw John scrubs, (I'm lying there thinking, oh god, of all the things I did not want, it was a c-section...I just cried and cried...) and did a quick consult. But we were SO lucky- we had an amazing staff.
They put an internal monitor on the baby, and decided to let me try and dilate with the epidural...as long as the baby stayed stable.
Waiting for the epidural was so hard...the baby was seriously freaking out, so I had to lay on my side. This made it really hard for the anesthesioligst to get the needle in the right spot...took him almost a half an hour and I had some horrible contractions during that period of him sticking my back over and over...
But once the epidural kicked in I fell into a deep sleep. My body totally relaxed.
I had some special moments with all of my birth team...I was so glad they were all there...and oh, John was amazing. He was 100% there and loved me and cried with me when I didn't think I could bear the pain any longer.
They checked me some time around 8pm and I was 7cms...we were incredibly encouraged, but the attending physician was still keeping a really close eye on things and warned us that we were walking a thin line.

Following my strange (contrary to birth plan!) instincts was the best thing I could have done.
I don't think I ever would have dilated without the epidural...and the baby needed to be monitored...which might not have happened so soon had I not asked for the epidural. There were some rough and scary moments even then...his heart rate was not good and they had to keep switching me from side to side as they realized his cord was being VERY pinched.
Every little while they had to re-evaluate whether it was safe to let me continue...when I was 7 they were seriously considering whether or not to section.
I just lay there and thought, "Lord, I know you're going to let me do this, I trust you." And then I began to talk to the baby, telling him he needed to push fast with his little head and get where he needed to be.
I fell asleep and around 30 minutes later I woke up feeling incredible pressure...I mentioned this and my midwife checked me and I was COMPLETE! And the baby was in a better position.
Next thing I know they're flipping me over and getting the stirrups out and I just wanted to howl with laughter...because I've been so resolved to deliver naturally, without narcotics or an epidural and ABSOLUTELY NOT ON MY BACK!
They called the doctor in, because it was looking like I was going to need forceps...but the doc, who is amazing, was able to turn the baby during one of my contractions. We were so lucky to have him there.
It was hard work, and so painful, but I only pushed for about 30 minutes. We ended up with an episiotomy but being able to avoid a c-section was the most amazing triumph for us at that point. It seemed like all of the odds were against us...at every turn it felt like the labor became more impossible. But we were flexible. John and my doula trusted me that I was really listening to my body and not just flipping out.

Bastian was born sometime around 9:30, 7pounds 8.6 oz, 22inches long....crazy long fingers and toes! The kid was SO covered in poop and full of poop...they just kept pumping and pumping and pumping! And he was still throwing up poop in the middle of the night :) That's my boy :) It took the nurse FOREVER to scrub him clean :)

He seems to have Johns chin and forehead and legs and feet, my eyes and lips and face shape, and a mix of family noses. He is beautiful and unbelievably calm and sweet and patient. And has SO much dark black hair!
My PUPP is slowly getting better. We made it. I can't believe we made it.
Never have I been through something so hard and so incredibly worthwhile. I am so proud that I hung in there and so thankful I was allowed to.
We are smitten with our delightful son and can't believe he's finally here.
I know there's a reason things went differently then we'd planned - but God was so faithful and there was so much peace in that delivery room.
During the pushing I just wanted to laugh...Hannah was bouncing up and down, running back and forth going, "I see him!" Arielle was WEEPING. Melanie was rubbing my leg telling me how amazing I was doing. And John was holding onto me, peering over my legs saying, "Just poop him out, Kristi! You're doing awesome! Just poop him out!"
And I was thinking, "These people are crazy!"

Arielle, Hannah, and Melanie were amazing and John deserves an award :)
It was wonderful to have Mark and Susan (John's parents) with us that last week and then at the hospital, interceding that whole day, and now my mom is here to help take care of us and let me recover. We are so blessed to have such wonderful family and friends. Everyone gave up a lot to support us and we are so grateful.

So now we're on a new adventure...and he's here! The depths and lengths of learning this new little eternal soul are unfathomable. To look in his eyes and see the person who came from such small beginnings and lived inside of me for so long...it's mind boggling. Truly mind boggling.

love to all,
John, Kristianna, and Bastian Daley